My Reason and Absolution
by Phoenix-Talon
Summary: The thing about falling in love is that it's so close to the feeling of irritation and annoyance, it's easy to confuse the two. Kyouichi's thoughts on Aoi, oneshot. Please R&R!
1. Chapter 1

**AN: This is just a oneshot that popped into my head while watching the dub of the second season. David Wald does such a fantastic job as Kyouichi! SQUEE!!! I love the final episodes because it makes it so obvious that there are feelings between the Kyouichi and Aoi. Take that, Tatsuma/Aoi shippers! So enjoy!**

**Disclaimer—Don't own Tokyo Majin**

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The thing about falling in love, is that it's so close to the feeling of irritation and annoyance, it's easy to confuse the two.

Really easy.

I never took shit from anybody. I stopped that when I was ten. I realized that the strongest survive and the weakest get walked on and beaten up. Better to be the wolf than the sheep. When my dad died, I stopped caring. I fought for fighting's sake. Violence was easier to deal with than life and I embraced it thoroughly. I never really considered what I was doing 'wrong.' I didn't attack innocents—the people I took down deserved it. They were bastards, every one of them.

I fought harder when my master left. He took me in, taught me everything he knew…and then he was gone one day. I was never able to beat him. He humiliated me—but the humiliation made me try harder. I consumed myself in violence, never stopping, never thinking, just fighting, searching for absolution. All I found was emptiness.

She changed all of that.

I'll never forget when I first saw her. I was in an alley, about to finish off a drug dealing bastard when I heard her voice.

"Please stop!" She cried out. Startled, I looked incredulously to see a girl my age with two ponytails running towards me.

"Huh?" I said confusedly—I'm not very articulate mid-fight.

"I'm not sure what's going on here, but you don't need to beat him so severely!" She said in a rush. I stared at her in shock. Did she even know who she was talking to?

"What?" I snapped, flinging the semi-conscious bastard away from me. He hit the alley wall with a sickening thump.

"This guy's a fucking pig who turns kids into junkies!" I told her acidly.

"That doesn't mean you—" She started to say but I interrupted her.

"This piece of shit gets kids hooked and _then_ he pushes the hard stuff," I said shouldering my bokuto. "He has no reason to live. You know, killing him wouldn't even bother me." I looked at the trash coldly but my words pricked against me. I guess everyone reaches their breaking points—I was about to reach mine.

Till she stepped in.

She stepped towards me and I let out an annoyed, "What?"

She slapped me hard across the face.

No one had ever slapped me like that. No one dared to. I would've beaten the shit out of them if they tried. I couldn't believe she wasn't the least bit afraid or intimidated by me like most of the girls I knew. I looked at her dumb-founded.

"No matter what kind of person someone is, it doesn't mean their heart was corrupted from the start," She said trembling with anger. "Things happen to people. There are sad and difficult events in people's lives—and it crushes their hearts."

I stepped towards her without knowing quite why I was doing so. My eyes widened at her words.

"But no matter how corrupted they may become the true hearts that they were born with still lie somewhere beneath—and that's what I believe," She said still looking at me without the least bit of fear, this five foot nothing girl. "Please don't say things like 'killing him wouldn't bother me' so easily!"

"Enough of this shit!" I snarled. "Out of my way! You have no idea what goes on down here! Come on, move it!"

"No!" She shouted back at me, spreading her arms. What was she, the patron saint of drug dealers?

"What?" I growled.

"I won't move," She said.

"MOVE IT!" I bellowed.

"I won't move!" She shouted again.

"You little—" I was running out of patience. I could easily just shove her out of the way, maybe even knock her out with my weapon—I've done it before. But her eyes…I'd never seen anything like it. They were dark and sparkling, but filled with an inner strength I'd never been able to understand.

The same strength my master had. And my dad.

_She's…_

I couldn't do it. Defeated, I stepped away from her, shouldering my weapon again. She lowered her arms and seconds passed between us. I turned away from her, and started to walk home.

That was when I fell in love with her.

I didn't realize it till later. Much later. Much, _much_ later. Tatsuma realized it before I did. He was always perceptive about stuff like that. I never told her, but she knew. She must've known. It was why I was such an asshole in the beginning about her trying to fight. It was why I never wanted her to fight, even when I got over myself and let her do her part. It was why I was so pissed off when I found out Kisaragi was going to kill her. It was why I stayed silent when I thought she had feelings for Tatsuma. It was why I wouldn't let her go to China with me to find him.

It was why I held her, the day of our graduation, when she ran to me, crying, begging to let her go with me. She'd done enough. I stroked her hair and gave her the sheathe to my bokuto, the thing that meant the most to me.

It was why I promised her I'd return.

And when she told me she'd be waiting, I knew I had something worth fighting for.


	2. Cherry Blossom Kisses

**AN: I really fail at oneshots. This was supposed to be a ONESHOT---damn plot bunnies. Anyway, this is sort of an expansion on their convos at the end of season 2. Enjoy.**

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Aoi was behind me.

"Hey," I called out to her. She'd been watching me—watching me stare at the cherry tree.

"I know where Tatsuma is," I said without preamble. Her lip quivered.

"So—so right now…?" She said softly.

"I believe he's in China. On Yagyuu's tail," I replied. I'd suspected it for a while.

"No…no, it's too much for him," Aoi said frantically. "Even if it is Tatsuma, he still can't do it alone!"

"I'm going," I looked away from her. I heard her exhale sharply. "I'm gonna go find Tatsuma."

She suddenly brightened. "Great, I'll go with you! Wait here, I'll go tell Komaki and the others," She started to turn away to rush off.

"No," I said flatly.

She looked back at me. "Why not?"

"If you go with me, what's going to happen to everyone here?" I asked her. "What's going to happen with the graduation ceremony?"

"But it's too dangerous for you to go alone, I'll go with you!" She insisted walking towards me.

"No. You're staying here," I ordered.

"No, I'm going! I'm going to go and help!" She cried to me.

"What about everyone that's injured? What about all these people here at the school? Who's gonna protect them?" I demanded. "If you're gone, who the hell is gonna protect them?"

"Komaki and the others are here! Not to mention Daigo and Kisaragi—" She started to say, her eyes flashing.

"Aoi, why can't you get it through your thick skull that you're—" I snarled but before I could finish my sentence she slapped me hard across the face.

Cherry blossoms fell.

"Ow," was my intelligent response.

"What?" She asked dangerously. "I'm what? Tell me exactly."

At this point I lost my ability to speak. What was I supposed to say? You're the most important person in my life, I love you, but as much as I want you to come with me to find our best friend, I know that you have a duty here? I said nothing.

"You're always like that. Covering up what you really mean. If you've got something to say and you don't say it, then how am I supposed to understand?" She informed me, her voice breaking. My mouth went dry. She'd known. She'd known about my feelings for her from the beginning.

"I can't. I've had enough. I don't know how much of this I can take. I—" Tears were forming in her wide eyes.

"Aoi—" I said helplessly.

She started to shake. "I can't protect them anymore. I can't fight anymore. I know—even if you don't say it, I know! But I can't take anymore of it! Everyone's always coming to me…I can't take responsibility for them anymore…I'm so tired of it! I can't stand on my own anymore!" Tears were pouring down her cheeks and I stood like a rock.

"If you go, Kyouichi—if you go and leave me here, then who's going to protect me?" She begged.

Before I could say or do anything, she pressed herself against me, starting to sob. I was suddenly aware of all of her—the way she clung to me and her scent…she smelled like strawberries and mahogany.

For a moment, I was unaware of my faculties. All I could feel was her crying against me.

"Stop," I whispered. "Stop crying." I put my hand on her head, feeling her soft hair. She looked up at me at this gesture.

"You don't need to protect anyone anymore. Or fight anymore. Tell Komaki and the others exactly what you've just told me. Believe me, they will understand. " I told her. Her hair was beautiful—I'd never felt anything like its silkiness.

"Yeah," I said softly. "You've done enough. You've tried your best. You've…done enough."

Her eyes filled again and she leaned back against my chest, starting to cry once more. I stroked her hair gently. There was no sound except for her quiet sobs and neither of us felt anything except the soft kisses of the cherry blossoms that fell into our hair.

After a moment, I looked at her once more, and kissed her, a tender kiss that was unlike me. It was a brief moment of two cool lips touching that I hoped would reassure her that I'd always protect her. I couldn't do anything but protect her. I slid off my most treasured possession, my sheath off my bokuto and gave it to her.

"Hey," I said trying to smile at her. "I'll be seeing you."

Her eyes were earnest and she said fervently, "I'll be waiting!" As I started to go, I heard her say even more quietly, "I'll be waiting for you."

And then I walked away.

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**AN: Whadja guys think? I had a hell of a time writing this. I got to rewatch that scene over and over, whoo hoo! A few notes—I decided to include a kiss scene because one, the inner fangirl in me demanded it and two, there is a moment when they're under the cherry blossoms—then it blacks out—then it's Kyouichi walking away from her with Aoi clutching the bokuto sheath. (*lecherous grin*) So what happened during the blackout? A KISS SCENE!!! Hey, anything's possible. I also decided to have Aoi smell like strawberries in honor of the Tatsuma/Kyouichi yaoi writers. She also smells like mahogany to Kyouichi, the smell of his bokuto which is pretty much his life. Therefore Aoi equals his life. LOL One more thing—I have a lemon scene I wrote for the two of them—a sort of Kyouichi returns to Aoi and things get lemony. Anyone interested in me posting it? Review me and let me know!!!**


	3. One Stormy Night

**AN: Here's the Kyouichi/Aoi lemon scene I promised you guys! The last two chapters were in first person from Kyouichi's point of view, but now I'm switching it up to third person from both points of view, because I don't quite have the writing ability to write a lemon scene from a guy's perspective yet. Lol. This is actually the first lemon scene I've ever posted—usually I just hide them in a red folder and show them to friends, so feel free to tell me how you liked it. :D**

**Disclaimer—I don't own Tokyo Majin but how I wished I owned Kyouichi, mrrrrroooooow. **

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_Sometimes I'd like to quit,_

_nothing ever seems to fit, _

_hanging around,_

_nothing to do but frown, _

_rainy days and Mondays always get me down._

The record scratched and Aoi glanced up from her desk. Her father, the great antiquities lover had given her a record player for her eighteenth birthday. Rather than selling it and buying an MP3 player, Aoi had chosen to frequent a records store and buy a few records. That seemed so long ago…before the final battle that had scarred Tokyo. The record player, amazingly had somehow survived the catastrophe. Her father, who'd been abroad during the battle, had immediately paid to restore their house. Aoi had come close to a brawl with her father after his blatantly selfish actions, but she was able to convince him to stay in Japan and help make investments to rebuild Tokyo. Things would never be the same again, but with Komaki, Daigo, and all the others' help life was becoming livable.

_What I've got they used to call the blues…_

Aoi smiled briefly. It was fitting that this song was playing—the dark storm clouds had been promising rain all day.

_Hanging around,_

_Nothing to do but frown,_

_Rainy days and Mondays always get me down._

Karen Carpenter ended her mournful tune and the record player clicked off. Aoi turned back to the paper on her desk. She sighed softly and signed it, folding it up and carefully placing it inside a gold lacquer box. Thunder rumbled quietly.

It was a letter. One of many letters. Aoi knew that Kyouichi was looking for Tatsuma, and that he was probably in China. Other than that, she had no idea of his whereabouts. But that didn't stop her from writing him letters. Sometimes the letters were short, only saying that she was thinking of him. Sometimes they were long babbling letters. But she finished each one, signed it, and put it in the gold lacquer box. She didn't quite know what she'd do with them. But they made her feel like she was close to him somehow.

Aoi stood, smoothing the folds in her yukata. She quietly picked up the bokuto sheath Kyouichi had given her and examined it for the thousandth time. It had been a year since he'd left to search for Tatsuma. Some days it felt like the year had flown by and others days it seemed like a million years.

Her fingers tightened around the sheath. Today had been a long day. She'd spent it sandbagging—the river had started to flood since the rains had come in, and it was damaging the few feeble houses that were up. Daigo and Komaki were good company of course, but Aoi couldn't help but feel lonely when she was with the two of them. They were so obviously in love with each other in the sweetest, most subtle way—Komaki had stopped focusing her protective energy on Aoi and started becoming more open to Daigo's affections.

Aoi heard a roaring noise and realized that it had started to pour. She worried faintly about the sandbags and hoped they would hold.

Lightning flashed and the lights went out. Aoi sighed and set the sheath down to search for candles. She found some in the living area and brought them to her room. The candlelight dimly lit up the room.

Thunder started to roll ever harder when Aoi heard a strange banging noise. She frowned, wondering if the winds had knocked something over or if a tree branch had fallen onto the roof.

The banging and thumping continued ever more persistently. She tried to focus on where the noise was coming from and realized with a jolt that something was crashing into her window. The curtains were drawn so she couldn't see what. Wondering if a tree branch had gotten caught in the sill, Aoi drew back the curtains.

Kyouichi Houraiji was squatting on her windowsill.

Aoi about had a heart attack. She flung the window open and gaped in shock as Kyouichi climbed inside her bedroom, dripping wet.

"K-Kyouichi…" She stammered.

"Hey Aoi," He said calmly, as if it was perfectly normal to climb through her window during a raging storm.

"You're—you're—" Aoi whispered and before she could think of anything else to say, she flung her arms around him. He was soaking wet, he was alive, he was _Kyouichi_…

He stroked her hair lightly and she quickly broke away from him, drinking him in. He looked remarkably unchanged. His brown hair still stuck out every which way, he still had his bokuto slung over his shoulder. His eyes had a strange tired look in them—as if he'd seen too much in the world.

"What are you doing here?" Aoi asked breathlessly. "I thought you were in China—did you…find…?"

"I was," Kyouichi replied. "And…yeah. I found Tatsuma."

Her breath caught in her throat. "Where is he? Did you bring him back?"

"No," Kyouichi shook his head. "He refused to go back. I spent six months following rumors and I finally found him in a Tibetan monastery. He knows how to defeat Yagyuu."

Her eyes widened.

"He insisted that I return to Tokyo. Said that he needed to do this on his own. So—I came back," Kyouichi finished.

"You—you actually listened to him? Tatsuma can't do it by himself!" Aoi cried out sharply, a little more accusatory than she intended. "We have to help him! You shouldn't have left!"

Kyouichi glared at her. "Don't you think I know that? I came back to get you and the others! So we can all kick Yagyuu's ass together!"

Aoi swallowed. She looked at the floor, ashamed. "Then…then we will. We'll all go…to protect Tatsuma. We'll help him," Her head snapped back. "Do Komaki and Daigo know?"

"No," Kyouichi affirmed. "I came to you first." There was a strange sort of pause after he said this and they both looked away from each other awkwardly. Aoi cleared her throat and Kyouichi sneezed. Aoi then remembered that he was still sopping wet.

"Oh!" Aoi started. "I'm an idiot. You must be freezing—I'll go get some towels for you!" She darted out of the room.

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Kyouichi exhaled loudly when she exited. Far be it for Kyouichi to admit to any kind of weakness, but Aoi was making her nervous. The room was dimly lit, only with three or four candles. He suddenly noticed his bokuto sheath lying on her bed. He jerked at this realization and his bokuto knocked a box off the desk.

"Shit," Kyouichi muttered as papers flew out of the box. He bent over and hastily gathered them, messily shoving them in the box. Then he noticed his name

Dear Kyouichi…

Kyouichi nearly dropped the box again. They were…they were letters. All of them were letters to _him…_

Picking one at random, he unfolded it and started to read.

_Dear Kyouichi,_

_Winter's been rough for us, and I can't help worrying about you. Are you safe? Are you warm? Know that there are those who care deeply about you and may that keep you warm._

_Love, _

_Aoi_

_Dear Kyouichi,_

_Today the cherry blossoms started to bloom and I thought of you. I thought of you sitting in the sakura tree by our school. You always looked so carefree, as though nothing ever bothered you and you feared nothing. I hope you still feel that way and the cherry blossoms give you courage, wherever you are._

_Love,_

_Aoi_

_Dear Kyouichi,_

_I'm very tired today from working at the hospital. I just wanted to say…I love you._

_Love,_

_Aoi_

Kyouichi stared at the letters in shock. His mouth went dry.

She loved him…

"I brought some towels, and they were just in the dryer, so they should be really warm," Aoi burst in chattering with several white towels piled in her arms. She froze when she saw Kyouichi holding the letters.

The towels fell to the ground.

"Those—those're private," She said sounding mortified. She flushed bright red.

"Did you mean it?" Kyouichi asked quietly.

"M-mean what?" Aoi stammered.

"All of it," He said softly. "That you were thinking of me, that you were worried about me—that you loved me."

Aoi was so embarrassed she wanted to burst into tears. Kyouichi was never supposed to read those—well he was—but not like this—!

He was still looking at her.

"I—I—" She closed her eyes. "Yes. I meant it. Every word." She cringed, as if expecting him to shout at her.

_She loved him…_

It took three steps to cross the room. Kyouichi was in front of Aoi in two. They stared at each other for one solitary moment. Kyouichi stroked her face quietly and another moment, he kissed her.

It was a soft and gentle kiss, so unlike Kyouichi. He broke away from it for a moment to whisper, "I love you too."

Aoi felt everything bubbling up inside her at once. Kyouichi's kiss seemed so surreal to her, so amazing. She slipped her arms around his neck and brought her lips to his once more. She deepened the kiss.

Kyouichi's grip on her hair tightened as the kiss deepened. The kiss became aggressive and staggering. Kyouichi was starting to have trouble controlling himself. They broke apart for a moment, gasping slightly. Aoi's hands still remained on the edges of his wet jacket.

"I should go," He said gruffly.

"I don't want you to," She said quietly.

"I don't want to," He admitted. "But I should. Aoi…"

She looked up at him, eyes wide and pleading. "Kyouichi…stay with me. Don't leave again."

And at that moment, Kyouichi was damned tired of being the noble hero, the gentleman. He wasn't freaking Tatsuma for Christ's sake. All the want and desire for Aoi he'd harbored for years erupted and he lifted her up, kissing her hard.

It was an aggressive, possessive kiss—and Aoi loved it. She felt him explore every bit of her small mouth, his tongue lapping gracefully with hers. She nibbled slightly on his lip and he bit hers harder, as if to prove to her who was taking control of the situation here.

Aoi gently removed his wet jacket from his shoulders. Kyouichi impatiently tore off his shirt and went back to kissing her.

Kyouichi took her in his arms and lifted her up, princess style. The memory of him doing this again for a completely different reason struck them both and they giggled together. He carried her to her bed and lightly laid her there.

Aoi's yukata had loosened. Kyouichi's hand went to the belt as he tugged it open. Aoi's hand caught his wrist suddenly.

"Wait," She said, suddenly nervous.

"What is it?" Kyouichi asked, concerned that he did something wrong.

"It's just…" She bit her lip.

"I can go," Kyouichi said quickly. "I'm sorry Aoi, I can—"

"No!" Aoi said in a rush. "I just wanted to—to show you…" She turned around. She then lowered her yukata down, revealing the unsightly scars on her back. She shivered, feeling a draft touch her bare skin.

"There was a fire, when I was young…" She said miserably. "I couldn't save my friend…"

She stiffened when she felt Kyouichi's lips on her back. He kissed each and every scar, lightly stroking her back. She turned around to look him in the eyes.

"You're beautiful," Kyouichi said to her directly. "And I love you."

"I love you too," Aoi breathed and then he was on top of her, touching every inch of her. His hands cupped her breasts; she gasped in delight and pleasure. She tried to keep up with him, tasting his neck and stroking all she could but Kyouichi was constantly moving. He was pure energy.

His hand went lower and lower till Aoi cried out in shock. His hands were teasing her softer portions, then caressing her thighs back and forth. It was driving her crazy, but she wanted him to never stop.

She felt hot and flushed. Their kissing became more frantic, more harried. His hand pleasured her until she wanted to cry from the absolute intensity. She felt hot, she felt wet, she felt pleasure so intense it felt like pain.

"K-Kyouichi—" She struggled to get out.

He kicked his pants off and in an instant, he entered her. Her fingernails dug into his shoulder blades and Kyouichi realized she was a virgin, which somehow heightened all that he was feeling.

"Aoi…" He said hoarsely and her pain ended. She smiled at him hazily, and his rhythm began. She felt an incredible fluttering in her belly—her eyes begged him to _hurry, hurry…_

And then she screamed. A white hot burst of pleasure filled her being and a cacophony of bliss erupted. Kyouichi groaned his own release and collapsed on top of her. He licked his lips and kissed her cheek.

Aoi's fingers were tangled in his hair and she was panting lightly. She closed her eyes.

There was no need for speaking. The two of them understood each other. When morning came, there would be no mention of this to Komaki or Daigo. They would gather their friends and then go after Tatsuma. There was no time for a relationship between the two of them…

Kyouichi kissed her again softly and fell asleep. Aoi curled up closely to him. They would find Tatsuma. They would defeat Yagyuu.

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**AN: This was the beginning of a sequel fic I've had in mind—the whole TM gang find Tatsuma and have an epic adventure to defeat Yagyuu while Kyouichi and Aoi try to fight their feelings for each other with the added romantic complication of Tatsuma. It'll be totally canon (unlike my AU fic, Time Stranger Ai which I need to update, I will soon!) and be a sort of 'third season' we've all been waiting for. Well, let me know your thoughts—review review!**


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